Here is our meat Here is our starch
This was a Food Network dinner for sure. I must say all 3 dishes were winners.
Where to begin My Guy Ty or Emeril. Rachael is last, why, because she is female. I have males on the brain. When you think of Tyler, his hotness ,or Emeril, his not even lukewarm-ness, what do you think of?? I know what enters my odd brain. Size of the Johnson. C'mon admit it, ladies, or men, when you see guys, do you not wonder about the Johnson, the size, the heft, the girth, the hairiness, etc? In my mind, what little there is of it, I imagine Emeril's to be squishy and small. Tyler, his hotness, however, would be firm, and large. Even Emeril once admitted in an interview that his Johnson is lacking in the size area, see he demonstates here how not very big it is.Look at his fingers , he's showing you the length of the Johnson.
I know size doesn't matter, motion of the ocean and all that malarky, but a statuesque Johnson is like a Picasso. Something to be admired, thought about, and interpreted in any fashion you wish.
Therefore, it is my FERVENT HOPE that the next time you turn on Food Network and see Bobby Flay, My Guy Ty, Alton-eww, Aaron (could be scary), Guy --squishy also in my mind, Michael Symon, or even an Iron Chef, that you will think of the Johnson, and smile, or cringe. Johnsons are the one-eyed muscles of life, people. Appreciate them.
I will begin with the meat, since we are on the subject.
Sunday Night Roast Beef
This is an Emeril Lagasse recipe which can be found here. Please note I did not use this rice. I felt -made Tyler's potatoes.
Begin by getting a rump roast, RUMP, dontcha love it. All this talk of rumps and Johnsons, I may disappear for a bit. Get it from your friend Jack the butcher. My friend Jack the butcher is special. He saves meat for me whenever I want it, the best meat, and I have to do nothing in return for it. Nope notta thing, slurp.
Preheat your oven to 275. Take that gorgeous rump and season it with some salt and freshly ground pepper, and this I like this type of Emeril Seasoning, more of a kick to it. I like spicy. Look how thin Emeril was here. I'd imagine his Johnson was longer then.
Brown the rump on all sides in a large Dutch oven ,and then remove to a plate. While you are slicing your onions and gathering your thyme,Take a moment and ask yourself what is the difference between a roast beef and pea soup. Answer to yourself anyone can roast beef.
Toss into the Dutch Oven your onion slices and thyme sprigs.Then place the roast back in the pot, on top of the onions, fat side up.
Pour beef broth into the pot,Place into the oven, uncovered, for about 1 to 1 1/2 hours or until thermometer registers 130-135. Transfer meat to cutting board and let rest 15 minutes.
Do you think Emeril Cooks the same way he makes whoopie? What I mean is do you think he uses the same phrases in the bedroom as he does in the kitchen? Do you think he says BAM, do you think he says Oh, Yeah, Babe. Do you think he says Let's Kick it up a notch? Just a thought. And a sick one at that.
Meanwhile, make your gravy. Using slotted spoon, discard onions and thyme sprigs.
Place pot back on stove and heat the beef drippings. (Christ now they are talking about drippings, when the beef is done) Combine cornstarch and water in small bowl and mix till dissolved.
Pour into your drippings and bring to a boil, Lower heat, stir constantly until thickened.
Transfer to your gravy bowl.Take another moment and praise our Lord Jesus Christ for the invention of gravy, oh and while you are at it, thank him for inventing George Clooney.
To serve slice rump roast, a bit thinner than my FFH(firefighter husband) did,
and pour some Gravy on top. Done, delicious, tender, gravy-laden, so very good. VERY easy. My FFH makes Roast Beef in the firehouse on occasion. After having this version, he declared he is making this next time.
LET THE GAMES BEGIN!! We are onto TYLER, his hotness. Let me reiterate, I am a member of the Tyler Florence Fridays group. Please join us. We share sexual fantasies of Tyler, I mean recipes on a weekly basis of our own choosing. You can join here. Come on, be a sport, make some love --uh, some stuff with my guy Ty , oh yeah, and the rest of the ladies.
Tylers recipe found here.
You will needPreheat your oven to 375.
Peel and slice the potatoes as paper thin as you can get them. DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT, (I feel like the in control spy agent again with my repeat type commands) pretend the potatoes are pieces of Tylers private parts. You will begin to hold the potatoes in a weird sorta way, You will feel, peel and slice the potato like you never have before and you may end up nicking yourself with the knife. But that did NOT happen to me, because when I cook, I FOCUS! I FOCUS, I do not imagine I am with the people who made up the recipe. I do not think of anything else but Food! If you do pretend the potatoes are parts of Tylers private parts, he will look at you like this
And that knowing smile, half-smirk look is reserved for me only people. Me only, not you. Get over it quickly. He's going to wink at me, I just feel it in my bones. To my very core.
Now this is an easy-peasy, quick side dish that can be made for a weeknight. All you do next is add the potatoes to a bowl,
followed by all of your other ingredients, and mix them together. I know it calls for 2 cups of heavy cream,But, so what, really, so what! You only live once. Live to eat, live to screw, live to sing music and skinny dip, live to do the hokey pokey and turn yourself around. That's what it's all about.
Pour this into a casserole dish and flatten with spatula.Bake for 40-50 minutes, depending how crispy you like it. Take it out and let rest for 15 min till set. Then spatula some out, after hitting Ty on the buttocks with the spatula of course, and enjoy the goodness that is this. Again, This is simple enough for a weeknight meal. And soo very tasty, baby!
Side note..When I hit Tyler on the buttocks with the spatula, he smiles at me like this.
Please note:Tyler says to sprinkle chives on top before serving, but I threw mine in the mixture. He likes it when I defy him, because then he gets to punish me.
Onto Rachael Rays Succotash. OK, I have no sexual thoughts or fantasies concerning her. Not even an innuendo. But I can RAVE about this side dish. Loaded once again with veggies, quick to prepare, it packs a kick-ass flavorful punch! And it is just soo pretty.
Gosh I really could play on the word Succ- o-tash here , couldn't I? Nah, not when it's RRs recipe, though.
Recipe found here.
I originally saw this on Madelines site Everything Rachael Ray, and knew I had to make it. She has a great list of keepers, you should check it out. I mean , like now.
Heat some veggie oil in a skillet. Add your red peppers and garlic, cook for a few.Get your snowpeas and scallions,
chop them up.. add them to the same skillet.. Follwed by your corn, Mix them, and cook for a few minutes more. Add Hoisin sauce, and hot sauce. We use the RED HOT, because I am RED HOT, and because the tabasco is too much for the kiddos.MIX, DONE, to quote RR herself. YUM-O!!
So, there you have it, that was my Food Network meal of the week.
Please always remember and never forget, when you watch Food TV next, and you see a male chef. Try real hard not to think of the Johnson , OK? Try real hard not to think of the Johnson. That one-eyed muscle guy will get you every time if you let him!